Back when I had higher testosterone levels I belonged to a car forum, specifically a forum for the Honda CR-V. I wrote about 2700 posts and then decided that I was sick of discussing how often you should change your oil and who makes the best oil filter. The nature of the club was changing, approaching a typical young dude's Civic club, (quite frankly I have no interest in who makes the best fart can or how to modify your V) and I just sort of faded out, although technically I am still a member.
 |
| The Power of Dreams. Is it a chic car? |
Anyhow when they brought out the third generation CR-Vs in 2007 (the year I bought mine) there was a lot of moaning that the vehicle had changed. Its appearance went from vaguely Jeep like to vaguely Lexus like and a lot of the members were not happy. The fact of the matter is that the 2007 was no less of an "off the road" vehicle than the previous models. The CR-V is basically a Civic with a boxy body and a half assed "automatically engaged" four wheel drive system. It is an excellent snow vehicle but not an off the road boulder basher by any means.
To add insult to injury to our CR-V club membership, Honda targeted the new vehicle to women as indicated by this passage from Edmunds:
Although the all-new, third-generation 2007 Honda CR-V is likely to appeal to buyers of all ages and both genders, Honda's target audience for its redesigned small SUV is women in their early 30s with a child under two. And when you drive the new CR-V, it's obvious the company had this audience in mind from the very beginning. The size of the previous-generation CR-V, for instance, was a major selling point for owners (60 percent of whom are women), so the new one hasn't grown any larger. It shares a platform with the latest Civic, yet has a shorter wheelbase than even the coupe. From nose to tail, it's 3 inches longer than a Ford Escape and 3 inches shorter than a Toyota RAV4.
With the dimensions set, company designers focused on making the Honda CR-V more practical for the owner with a toddler in one arm and groceries in the other. Accordingly, the previous model's side-hinged rear gate and exterior-mounted spare tire were dumped in favor of a lightweight overhead liftgate and an under-floor spare. A foldable, removable shelf (available on EX and EX-L models) was fitted to the 35.7-cubic-foot cargo bay to allow two-tier loading. Additionally, the rear doors open a full 90 degrees and have numerous detents within their opening range to keep them from swinging back while you're bent over buckling in an infant. Unlike last year, all three rear seating positions have the LATCH setup for car seats, and once you're on the road, a front-seat sunglasses holder with a built-in conversation mirror takes the neck-twisting out of being an attentive parent.
Well you can imagine that the lads were not happy with the changes in the generation three Vs. Myself I was very much delighted with the spare tire being under the floor (but inside the vehicle) and the lift gate opening vertically. But for some of the "old timers" (CR-Vs have been around since 1998) the 2007 V was an abomination. Then we had some new members who wanted to buy the V but was afraid that it was a "chic car".
Since I turned 50 I have noticed that my macho levels, always flagging at best, have kind of fallen off. Yes I still talk like a man but I am finding as time goes on that I can often identify with the fairer gender. While I have not taken up knitting, I no longer possess the overwhelming macho thoughts that I once did regarding cars and horsepower. I have come to like warm and cuddly. In one of my previous posts, I questioned firm gender assignments:
Navigating The Finite, Which of The Following Best Describes Your Gender?
As you can see from the visual aids, gender identification should be relatively easy, yet it seems to be compounded by many factors. So way back in 2007, I was feeling my oats and I decided to publish a photo essay on the car forum to allay any fears that the generation 3 CR-V is a chic car. In the spirit of continuing my self investigations of gender, I present for your edification and enjoyment a re-publish of that post. BTW the car's color was black pearl. My handle on the forum was Black Pearl and I called the car the Black Pearl.
Is The CR-V Really A Chick Car? A Photo Essay.
We have this ongoing debate as to whether the CR-V is a chick car. To help the reader decide I have included a number of photos that I think will prove beyond a doubt that the CR-V (third Gen at least) is truly a manly vehicle.
 |
| Photo 1 A Manly Stance |
First Photo: Here is the Black Pearl in a manly stance. Notice the rough environment, no Macy's parking lot here. Wait is that part of a playground set in the background?
 |
| Photo 2 Manly Filth |
Second Photo: Another shot of the macho Black Pearl. That is genuine manly filth on the side of that car. Look at those tires and wheels, very manly.
 |
| Photo 3 Manly Objects Thrown Carelessly On The floor |
Third Photo: Now we go inside the Black Pearl. Note the map and the drop forged chrome vanadium combination wrench thrown carelessly on on the dirty floor. Would chick have a ratchet with a deepwell socket lying on the floor? Would a chick be dumb enough to throw her hat on the dirty floor? Only manly dudes do things like that.
 |
| Photo 4 Macho Dash, GPS, Nuke Sub Hat |
Fourth Photo: The Black Pearl's Macho Dash. Note the GPS--I am real man I don't stop and ask for directions! Would a chick have a USS Pittsburgh hat on her dash? The USS Pittsburgh is a Los Angles class nuclear attack submarine. Very manly! Would a chick drive around with the TPMS warning light on? In the CD player is a recording of the 1963 NHRA Winter National AA Fuel Drag Competition. Would a chick listen to a solid 45 minutes of engines roaring and tires screaming? Hell no, they have no sense of refinement.
 |
| Photo 5 Oopsie! |
Fifth Photo: Oopsie. Oh dear how did that slip in there?
 |
| Photo 6 My CR-V is very pretty. |
Sixth Photo: The CR-V a chick car? No way!
End of original post.
A week or so before Christmas, while my wife was Christmas shopping I stopped into our local Dodge dealer to kill some time. I cozied up to a Ram 2500, I could barely see the top of the hood. A guy who looked a lot like Sam Elliot approached me. He had an adams apple the size of a grapefruit, and he swaggered in that way that having 17 pounds of swaying testicles acting on one's center of gravity will cause. He spoke to me in a 23 hertz baritone.
 |
| 2012 RAM 2500, Guts-Glory-RAM |
"Howdy son. That there is a Ram 2500."
I replied "Ah, ah, um yes, its very nice."
"Nice? Tell me son, do you aspire to achieve greatness?"
I replied "Well sir, ah um..."
"Do you possess the guts and the glory to handle a 390 horse power 5.7 liter Hemi V-8 power plant."
Getting a little ballsy, I replied "Um sir, well sir I operated 8,000 cold horse power electrical motors driving 100,000 GPM pumps. That required some guts but a lot more smarts than glory. Say, what's the gas mileage on this truck?"
 |
Guts - Glory! A Hemi for his foot? I wonder what
that does for the gas mileage. |
"Son did you say gas mileage? You know what they say about having to ask..."
Admonished, I replied "Why yes sir, silly question on my part. Of course 390 horse power requires substantial fuel."
"Son, let's make this easy, do you have the $35,000 that this here truck will cost you?"
I replied "Well what would you give me on trade in for my 2007 CR-V?"
"A CR-V? Son that's lady's car. We won't even look at it. Why don't you come back when you are man enough to afford a real vehicle with the guts and the glory to move heaven and earth."
He then swaggered off, ponderous balls almost clanging, and left me, a quivering effeminate girly man, choking in a cloud of secondary testosterone.
I slowly retreated to my chic car CR-V, returned to the Kohl's parking lot, got out my Kindle and picked up where I left of in
Naomi Wolf's Vagina, A Cultural History.
OK, I admit the Dodge dealership is fictional except the Kohl's parking lot and the Kindle. I had contemplated taking a look just for something to do but I feared that such a conversation would take place. Besides, I really do doubt that I am man enough or have the pockets deep enough to drive a RAM 2500.
 |
| 59 Dodge, Macho? No, but somewhat manly. |
When I was in the Air Force I did own a 59 Dodge pick-up that looked sort of like the truck to the right. It had a flathead straight 6 that probably was rated for 70 horsepower. It had trouble maintaining 60 mph, but had enough low end torque to pull out stump.
You know if I had a lot stumps to pull out, I would lay money on that 59 Dodge lasting longer than the mighty RAM 2500 with the sissy excuse of a transmission that Chrysler uses these days. That is one of the reasons I chose that girly CR-V. I have this odd belief that a transmission should aspire to achieve greatness and last longer than 5,000 miles over the extended warranty that I paid near two grand for. Guts-Glory-Cash. I think I will stick with the Power of Dreams. Long live the girly Black Pearl
 |
| The Girly Black Pearl |
IMAGE CREDITS:
2007 Honda CR-V: American Honda Motor Co. Inc
Photos 1 thru 6: yours truly.
RAM 2500: Chrysler Group LLC.
http://www.ramtrucks.com/hostc/bmo/CUT201214/models.do
Guts-Glory Ram:
David Tucker Blog, Dodge Guts and Glory
Note, watch the video on Tucker's blog. It is rather entertaining.
59 Dodge Pick-up:
TurboDodge.com, Forums
Girly Black Pearl on the Honda H logo: yours truly.
Links:
CR-V Description:
Edmunds.com, 2007 Honda CR-V
Original Chic Car Post:
CR-V Owners Club, Forum, 2007 CR-V, "a chick car"?
Note, I am the Black Pearl on that site.
How to Think More About Sex by Alain de Botton
